I’m mid-way through the first trimester of my PhD at the University of Hull. I often have to pinch myself, when I have moments of “oh my gosh, I’m actually doing a PhD” as it’s something I didn’t ever see myself doing.
When I was at school, particularly from the age of 12 to 15, I genuinely thought I would attend University and study Law, so I could become a lawyer. My reason? I had this idea that lawyers led incredibly glamourous lives and looking back – I was most definitely influenced by the hit US Show – Suits. When it came to my final year of doing my GCSE’s, I had chosen History as one of my options and within that we had to study a little bit of politics in Britain – post World War Two. One of my History teachers recognised that this was something that I was incredibly interested in, something that gripped my attention like nothing before. It was around that time, we were asked if the school was to introduce an A Level in Government and Politics – how many of us were interested in it, and if there was enough – they would introduce it as one of the options. As there was enough of us, they introduced it and after receiving average grades at GCSE, in the September of 2014, I started the two-year A Level journey. By 2016, I had completed my A Levels and whilst my results weren’t anything to shout about – they were enough to get me into university to study Politics.
The first University I attended was Leeds Beckett, and I know for a fact I didn’t push myself nearly as much as I knew I could have done in my First Year. Despite my first-year results being average (I got a mid-2.1), I had fallen into the trap of knowing that all I needed to do was “just pass” to get onto Year Two. My first year at university definitely helped me to grow in confidence – I was the only person from the school I attended to even go to university in Leeds – so I really was in the deep end when it came to getting out of my comfort zone. Nonetheless, I absolutely loved my first year, and when I reflect back – it was definitely an experience I needed both in terms of the social aspect (and there was a lot of that) to the academic aspect.
In my second year, I did drop out of university - and that was tough. I knew I wanted to complete my Politics degree, but in the November and December of 2017 – I was terrified of going back, despite reluctantly applying to go straight into the second year at Northampton University and De Montfort University, Leicester. I accepted the offer from De Montfort University and had my start date for the end of September 2018. In my ‘year out’ I ended up working full time in retail – which I did really enjoy. Looking back, it was the “break” from education that I needed; you can learn a lot from university but there are things that can’t be taught in the classroom. September 2018 quickly came around, and the thought of being terrified of going back to university, to not fit in and the struggle to make friends was overwhelming.
I remember by December 2018, I thought I was really unhappy and was ready to drop out of university. However, after having a very stern conversation with my mum who told me point blankly I was going to finish the degree, I started the second semester of my second year with a slightly more positive attitude. It was that term I began making friends, mainly through the Conservative Students Society, where I was also elected to the committee and my grades started to improve.
That was the turning point.
Come the end of my second year, I again had an average of a 2.1 and had started to build a political network in Leicestershire. Not only that, but I was also still on the committee for the Conservative Students Society and much to my delight, had been elected Chair of the Politics Society for the 2019/20 academic year.
Things were continuing to look up.
That summer, I had managed to work out what I would need to graduate from De Montfort University with a First. On paper – it didn’t seem too bad, I just needed to be consistent. It was also that summer that I started planning my dissertation, which I knew was going to be on British Indians and Voting Behaviour. Wanting to write my dissertation on this really was something that was deeply personal - and what a time to have researched and written it, as we did have a General Election in 2019.
My final year is a year that was split into two; the first 5 months were filled with a lot of socialising, a few radio interviews, involvement in local politics and I started writing opinion pieces. I don’t think (up until that point), I had ever enjoyed university so much, on top of that my commitment to hard work was starting to pay off. But then, COVID hit, the university was shut and my busy life, like everyone - us was reduced to very little. I’m grateful that the majority of my assignments for my final year were submitted before the pandemic hit, and I’m also so grateful that my lecturers were still on hand to help – despite the immense challenges that were thrown their way. I finished my undergraduate degree, on a random day of the week in May 2020.
Amongst all the uncertainty, I also didn’t have a job lined up. So whilst I was awaiting confirmation of what I’d be graduating university with – I began toying with the idea of completing a Masters. After all, what harm could one more year at university do? I even said to myself, once I was accepted onto the Political Theory course at the University of York, that would be it – I wouldn’t do a PhD (but here we are!) In the Summer of 2020, I was thrilled once I received my results and saw I had actually done it, I had graduated with a First despite the number of times I had wanted to drop out!
Being a Masters student in 2020/21 was a very lonely experience. Going from doing as much as possible whilst I was an undergraduate student, to reading and attending university online wasn’t fulfilling. It’s why I’m so grateful to Dr. Rakib Ehsan for inviting me to complete a part-time internship under him at the Henry Jackson Society, for 6 weeks – starting in January 2021, alongside my Masters. It sounds cliché, but this was the second moment I can pin-point in my life, and say “yes, that experience changed my life.” At the end of the internship, I had clarity with knowing what job role I wanted, and Dr. Ehsan strongly indicated that I had better start thinking seriously about doing a PhD.
Fast forward to the summer of 2021 when I was completing my dissertation, and I then completed my second internship, this time with De Montfort University as a Graduate Research Associate, working with The Centre for Textual Studies. I loved this internship as I got to learn how to code, a skill I know is becoming increasingly more important.
I finished my Masters degree, confident in knowing that whatever grade I would get, my overall experience would be strengthened through the completion of my two internships. I also started looking for a potential supervisor shortly after completing my degree and by January 2022 – coincidentally the week when I had my two graduation ceremonies – I had received an offer from the University of Hull to begin my PhD in September 2022.
Everyone’s journey is different, but I must admit - I’m exceptionally lucky to have an amazing support network around me. I know the next three years are going to be tough, but I’ll try to have as much fun as I can – and I’ll be sharing this on my website and my PhD Instagram account: @PhDWithZeena.